EDITING OTHERS LIVES!

EDITING OTHERS LIVES!

I think the cartoon above actually predates the Internet.  I seem to remember seeing this somewhere back in the early 70’s.  I thought it was true at the time and now even more so.  In fact, in my mind, the urge to edit has expanded from the need to alter others copy to a need to alter others lives. 

Have you ever noticed an impulse that we all seem to have when it comes to listening to the woes of others?  As we are listening we begin to formulate the advice we are going to offer.  It is almost unavoidable.  By the time our friend is finished talking, assuming we let them finish, we have already figured out what they are supposed to do and are all ready to offer these gems of wisdom for their deeply grateful consumption.  Then what happens?  We have all had this experience in one way or another, so what happens?  It is pretty rare that we are met with the gratitude we rightfully expect.  Sometimes yes, but most of the time something else takes place.  The person ignores our well thought out advice and continues to complain.  The person listens politely and ignores us, but stops talking.  The person listens half-heartedly and then goes on to explain why we are all wet.  Etc. etc.  All kinds of reactions, none involving gratitude, yet we continue to do this.  Why?

On the other side of this is our own reaction to the advice of others.  While we are complaining to someone about something we are also watching the other person to make sure they are really listening but, what we often see is the wheels turning and the very advice we know won’t work is about to be offered.  We don’t want it, all we really want is for someone to listen and agree with us, not offer anything, just listen.  Never the less the advice will come. 

So, we know both sides.  We continue to offer unwanted advice and we continue to expect to be able to complain without receiving any.  What is that definition of insanity?  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. 

Perhaps we can take a different approach.  One of the things that all of the people I guide know about me is that I do not give personal advice.  I will offer techniques or my own point of view about something but I will never tell someone, “You must do this!”  I learned this from Pir Vilayat and have often thought it was the best piece of wisdom he ever offered.  So, people who work with me rapidly learn that complaining isn’t very useful because I won’t comment.  And most of the people I know who also do this work feel the same way and adopt an attitude of Detached Compassion.   In other words, you want the best for everyone but you never claim to know what that is. 

Maybe you get all excited when you hear a story from someone, “he, she, they did me wrong and I am so pissed,” kind of story.  What fun, tell me more!!!  We do tend to get all interested when we hear this kind of thing.  However there will be a small little voice inside of us that is rather embarrassed that we find these stories engaging.  That’s the part of us that knows we are better then that.  So, perhaps you can listen politely without contributing.  Do that and see what happens.  For a time life will seem dull and boring but I guarantee that it will get interesting again when you find your true self finally feeling comfortable.  

Many Blessings, Musawwir